When the silence gets loud...

There's a kind of silence that no one warns you about. It's not a peaceful, serene silence, but the deafening kind that screams and shouts louder than you ever could.

It's not the noise that overwhelms me, it's the silence. The silence of no response after you let your guard down, the hush of unanswered messages, the quiet of 3am nights when your thoughts are louder than your heartbeat. The absence of laughter, the yearn for someone to hold your hand, the loss of presence in your life. We often talk about the chaos, the noise, the loudness. But there is sorrow in silence.

For those of us who struggle with their mental health, silence can be haunting. Silence can feel like a void, a vacancy, an emptiness. It serves as a reminder of everything we're still carrying.

Silence can overwhelm your body with ache. It's the kind of pain that echoes and convinces you that you're truly alone in your anguish. The silence screams "why didn't they check in?", or "why does it feel like I'm disappearing and no one's noticing?".

When I was deep in my struggle with bipolar disorder, there were moments when the silence felt heavier than any symptom. It wasn't the mood swings or the racing thoughts, but the stillness that followed. Like an aftershock. The silence became my shadow.

The silence is loud whether you're hurting or healing. When you're healing, growth is quiet. It doesn't come with fireworks or applause. It comes in small victories, like getting out of bed and brushing your teeth. No one sees those wins but you. And that can feel isolating.

But here's what I'm beginning to learn. Silence isn't always empty. Sometimes, it's trying to tell you something. When the silence is loud - let it speak. What is it trying to tell you? Is it grief? Loneliness? Exhaustion? Burnout? Whatever it is, it's asking to be seen and heard. The silence may be loud, but it holds meaning.

When you start to listen to the silence, and truly understand it, that's where healing begins. Sitting in the silence, letting it wash over you, without running from it, is how your mind, heart, and soul begin to heal. Once you learn to embrace the silence, it becomes less deafening. One day, it may even soften.

The silence is where you discover yourself, where you uncover the depths of your true essence. In the stillness, you begin to notice your breath again. You begin to hear your truth, under the weight of the world's expectations. You begin to realise you made it through every hard day, and that matters.

If you're in a season of silence right now, just know that you're not the only one. You're not broken or unlovable. You are right where you need to be to begin to heal.

With love always,

Sach x