Living with bipolar disorder...

I want to start by saying that living with bipolar disorder is not the end. It's full of ups, downs, and plateaus, and it's definitely got challenges, but it's also a journey of self-discovery and growth.

For me, it's been a rollercoaster whirlwind of emotions, from the dizzying highs of mania, to the crushing depths of depression...

WHAT BIPOLAR SYMPTOMS FEEL LIKE

Imagine waking up one day, feeling absolutely invincible, and feeling like you can conquer the world. You're talking really fast, you have an endless hurricane of ideas, you are so energetic that no one can keep up with you, and you disconnect from reality. You believe you are the chosen one, and that the universe is sending you signals. A frenzy of existential thoughts and endless epiphanies encapsulate you. You are not yourself, yet funnily enough, you feel more like yourself than ever before. You feel like this version of you is supreme and omnipotent. Sleep eludes you, and yet you are so full of energy and impulsivity. It's like you're on the world's best drug and nothing can stop you now.

But imagine waking up months later. The high has worn off and you're experiencing the world's worst comedown. Depression envelopes you and you're shrouded in thoughts of worthlessness, hatred, and suicide. You're embarrassed and ashamed at your mania-induced actions. Exhaustion cripples you, and you're so extremely miserable. Your bed becomes your only comfort. The thought of leaving the house and getting on with your life fills you to the brim with anxiety. The darkness overtakes you, with no light to be seen.

Even when you're okay, you're constantly wondering if your sleepless night or your slightly elevated mood is a precursor to a manic episode. You're worried that feeling extra tired or sad one night is the beginning of a depressive period. You're constantly living on edge, wondering what the next day will bring.

That's the reality of living with bipolar. Sanity and peace seems like a distant memory, and the episodes feel never-ending. But the truth is, equilibrium exists. You can find stability. You can live a normal life. You can be yourself again. You can achieve your goals.

THE IMPORTANCE OF DIAGNOSIS AND TREATMENT

Getting a bipolar diagnosis was a pivotal moment in my journey. It provided me with clarity for those years of uncertainty wondering 'why am I like this?'. It made me understand myself more and validated me for all the highs and lows in my life. Getting a diagnosis is not the end, but rather the beginning. It's the start of a new exploration into a deeper understanding of yourself.

Getting treatment for bipolar is crucial in reaching balance, stability, and serenity. Finding the right medication for you takes time, and it is a tough journey of mood changes and side effects. But once you find the perfect concoction for you, it's a game-changer. You feel like you can come up for oxygen after years of drowning. Additionally, therapy can be a great way to identify triggers and develop coping mechanisms. Last but not least, having a routine and maintaining a good sleep schedule are so important in sustaining mental and physical equilibrium.

Don't get me wrong, I am not the epitome of perfect mental/physical health. I still have bad days, and I struggle to stick to a routine. I have also gained double my weight due to my antipsychotic medication, and that definitely takes a toll on my mental wellbeing and self-worth. I have difficulties with motivation and find myself in bed more than I should be. I struggle with being kind to myself and often berate myself for every mistake I make. I find it difficult to maintain motivation after being mentally unwell for over a decade. But overall, I'm stable and content, and that in itself is powerful.

LESSONS I'VE LEARNT DURING MY BIPOLAR JOURNEY

Self-awareness is key. Understanding your triggers and early signs of mania or depression can help you mitigate the effects of an episode. Be proactive in taking steps to prevent or minimise a manic/depressive episode.

It's okay to get help. You may feel weak or powerless for asking for help. But I can assure you, it is such a blessing to be in a position to ask for help. It makes you stronger to ask for help, because you maintain courage even in your most vulnerable times.

Celebrate small wins and practice gratitude always. Be grateful for the stability you have, because you're the one that got you there. Be proud of your strength and celebrate your achievements, no matter how big or small.

Be kind to yourself. I know how easy it is to hate yourself and criticise your every move. But choose the harder option - choose kindness. Exercise self-compassion, and I promise you, it'll make a difference.

BREAKING THE STIGMA

One of the hardest challenges through my bipolar journey was the massive amount of stigma I experienced from the people around me. I was called crazy, prank called during my time in the psych ward, and had old friends remove me from their lives. I was often met with discomfort, awkwardness, or even disgust from people who had once loved me. People judged me for being so open about my struggles and they would rather remove themselves from my life than engage in an open conversation.

My goal with Serenity is to help break the stigma surrounding mental illnesses, and to show that real people endure these conditions. Real people are suffering, and real people are being hurt by the stigma.

Mental health is just as important as physical health. We wouldn't judge someone for breaking their leg or for having diabetes. But we judge someone for having bipolar or schizophrenia. Let's change that, together!

A MESSAGE TO OTHERS LIVING WITH BIPOLAR

Understand that growth is not linear - life is not straightforward. It's going to be a long and hard journey, but you have the inner strength to endure this. You are stronger than you realise. You have the inner ferocity to tackle any trials and tribulations life throws your way.

You are not defined by your bipolar diagnosis. You are not a sum of your mania or depression. You are greater than your ups and downs. You are a multifaceted being with so much to offer to the world. You are incredible and uniquely wonderful. I hope you know how courageous and fierce you are. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

Living with bipolar is difficult, but it's possible. It takes adjustments, but once you find what works for you, your soul can finally rest.

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In essence, Serenity aims to raise awareness of living with bipolar and other mental illnesses. It strives to challenge mental health stigma and showcase the realities of living with a mental health disorder. Let's continue the conversation about mental health and support one another on this journey. Together, we can create a safe space where everyone feels seen and heard.

Sach x